Generally, a marital split is fraught with grief,
uncertainty and fear of loss though one or both of the partners has initiated
the split. Sometimes, one or both of the partners become angry to the extent of
vengefulness. it isn't easy to abandon a dream of growing old with a much loved
spouse. Partners may be bitterly disappointed in the partner, their behaviour
and the state of marriage generally. in addition to grieving the loss of a
dream of long-standing marriage, partners must sometime endure a significant
change in their financial resources and life style. A partner is sure to suffer
further if their partner has left the marriage for a new partner.
The dissolution of a marriage or intimate relationship can
be a very troublesome time for both partners. this is significantly true once
the couple have kids. unfortunately, children are frequently used as bartering
chips to pressure, hurt, punish or alienate the other partner for a variety of
reasons. Past hurt, resentment, intense anger or unresolved conflicts between
the couple can lead one of the partners to place barriers between their
ex-spouse and their own children. Circumstances, either real or imagined, may
allow one in all the parents to succeed in limiting a past partner's access to
their kids to the point of cutting off all contact between that parent and
child. it is not unusual for the children to jump into the fray. sometimes the
children have been parentified and accorded an adult role that way exceeds
their biological process or emotional stage. If they need witnessed intense
parental discord and/or familial violence in the past they may simply need to
avoid further arguments. At times, a child can agree with the protective parent
that it is in their best interest to avoid further contact with the estranged
parent because they don't want to emotionally or physically abandon the
custodial parent. it is an unfortunate fact that children are usually
deliberately or inadvertently, manipulated by the custodial parent into believing
that the other parent is "bad", "not a good parent" and
therefore undeserving a primary parental role.
The fact that a partner disapproves, dislikes or distrusts
their grownup is not cause to finish or significantly limit a child's
relationship with the other parent. Unless a parent is actually a danger to
their own children, parental alienation is reprehensible. With rare exceptions,
a parent has the right to continue a parental role throughout their life and
their child's life. There are few avenues for the alienated partner except to
seek legal counsel and enter an extended, expensive, contentious battle to
re-establish a relationship with their own child/children. reunificationcounselling is a valid and helpful way to re-establish a relationship between
estranged parent and their children.
Reunification counselling
Choosing reunification counselling instead of supervised
access or court ordered custody/access after an absence is a prudent means of
reconnecting together with your children. a meeting between parent and child,
particularly after a long separation, is showing emotion laden. it is often a
frightening time for children who could fear alienating the custodial parent if
they begin to accept and enjoy a relationship with the estranged parent. If the
children have witnessed years of arguing and/or familial violence between their
parents the estranged parent may become the scapegoat for all that was
considered 'bad' within the family home. without doubt, children have been
bitterly disappointed by the breakdown of the family. The estranged parent may
have attempted to re-establish a relationship with their kids several times
without success. The meetings may are tense and emotional. there is always the
possibility that the children will be questioned when they returned home and
the estranged parent additional disparaged by the guardian parent. it is
obvious that such circumstances can undermine the work afoot at my office and
significantly hamper any reconciliation between the alienated parent and their
children.
Reunification counselling will require a psychologist or
psychological associate who is qualified to work competently with both children
and adults. Given the fact that the children may be very young, it is important
that the psychologist has completed significant education and training in
psychological science and is licensed to work with a young population as well
as adults. Unlike many counselors, a trained psychologist has the necessary
expertise to read and understand psychological assessments that may have been
completed earlier.
My approach to reunification counselling
A prospective client may contact me directly for service or
their lawyer may request my services on behalf of the alienated parent. My work
can begin with a one-hour consultation with the alienated parent. If the terms
of service are satisfactory to both parties and i am ready to settle for the
case, i will draft a plan for the reunification counselling and submit it to
the client and/or their counsel. An estimate of the fee for psychological
services will be submitted at that time with the caveat that additional service
will be more costly. (If the client has workplace insurance benefits that cover
psychological services some or all of the fees may be recovered.) Simultaneously,
the parent's counsel will request that reunification counselling be considered
an option by the separated or single parties.
What follows is a general outline of reunification
counselling procedure:
1. Time will also be set aside for the counsellor to read
any documents concerning the case and make notes that might inform the clinical
work ahead. There may be phone consultations with lawyers or letters/emails to
counsel. Similarly, there could be emails/phone consultation with the client
throughout the reunification counselling.
2. The alienated parent can expect to attend 2-5 individual
sessions before and after the reunification counselling begins. It should be
clear that this individual work will be limited to reconciliation with their
children and their parenting role. It should not be considered personal or
individual therapy.
3. Individual psychotherapy or counselling may be
recommended for the estranged parent while they complete reunification
counselling. in order to best serve the consumer and their kids, the individual
counselling should be completed with another therapist, at another clinic.
4. Conversely, the counsellor would expect to establish and
maintain an ongoing, individual therapeutic relationship with the children
while they are completing reunification counselling.
5. If at all possible, the counsellor might like to meet
with the custodial parent at least once in order to explain reunification
counselling, their professional role and establish a pleasant working
relationship. Such a meeting is not designed to discuss the
relationship/marriage, the breakdown of the relationship or to determine who
was to blame. Any meeting with the custodial parent focuses on the emotional
support of the children while they are completing reunification counselling. it
will be essential that he or she be willing to support the reunification
counselling and consider recommendations concerning the adult and their kids
with an open mind. At minimum, it is essential that the custodial parent does
not deliberately undermine or sabotage the reunification counselling.
6. children of estranged or divorced parents have often been
through a great deal of emotional turmoil in the past. A elementary goal of
reunification counselling is to ensure that kids who are psychologically
vulnerable are emotionally well supported. Thus, before the start of
reunification counselling, individual counselling sessions will be set for each
child. The approach to the work will be dependent upon the age/s and
functioning of the children. For example, a child may present as very young,
developmentally delayed, gifted, emotionally stable or unstable. counselling
with an older child or teenage can ensue in a consultation room where the child
and i can talk. A young child may work within the psychotherapy space and use toys,
games and play therapy materials in order to communicate feelings and
experiences.
7. The focus of the early therapy with the children is to
support them as they discuss the loss of family cohesion in an emotionally
safe, confidential environment. it will be an opportunity for them to express
doubt about reconciliation, any anger that may exist and actively grieve the
loss of familial cohesion. it will also facilitate reintroduction to the
estranged parent. If is essential that the custodial parent and any other
person remain supportive and not question the child concerning their personal
therapy. every person, including a young child, has the right to
confidentiality when it comes to psychological treatment.
8. Each child will attend 2-4 weekly therapy sessions prior
to beginning reunification counselling with their parent. As stated earlier,
the counsellor may wish to see the child/children individually or together
between reunification counselling sessions in order to ensure their
psychological well-being.
9. If there is more than one child in the family it is
advisable for the parent to work with the counsellor and each child
individually before moving forward. The time required for the actual
reunification counselling will depend upon progress made, participant's desire
to move forward and the counsellor's clinical judgement. Weekly sessions are
optimal and may be as limited as 6-weeks or as long as 20-weeks.
10. As soon as deemed applicable, the therapist will work
with parent and all kids throughout each session. Ultimately, the goal of
reunification counselling is to use psychological intervention as a means of
re-establishing an independent, positive relationship between a parent and
their kids.
11. Lawyer/s or court may request a discharge letter that
outlines the therapeutic gains and recommendations following termination from
reunification counselling.
We are licensed organisation to provide psychologicalcounseling and treatment in the following areas counselling psychology and
clinical psychology, psychological functioning of kids, adolescents and adults.